Hey John, I know what you're feeling man... It's a tough road but if we want to survive and thrive, these are the hard things we have to do, comes a point when we know using is no longer an option, it's just something you _cannot_ do, otherwise your life will just crater around you. Hang in there and stop here often, I cannot count the support that I have received from all the members on this forum. We're all walking the same road, you are Not alone!
Peace,
..Mike