hi again wife-
now, as for finances with my alcoholic (who i did not marry) it was a case of what's mine is his and what's his is his.
when i first entered the relationship, i had quite a bit of money and property. i shared everything with him. after 5 years, i was broke.
he then turned the tables and any money he got, he drank. as i had no money anymore, i moved in with him. he gave me less than crumbs...not even enough to keep the electricity on or food in the house.
i agree with thumper, it was about control. how couuld i go out and do anything if i didn't even have five dollars in my pocket? therefore, i could only go out when he felt like taking me along (rarely) and i couldn't even make decisions about the household as it takes money to run one.
i think it is ridiculous that you have no idea what the finances are in your marriage but of course, i think it's ridiculous that i shared thousands and thousands of dollars with a man that won't share enough to keep the heating on in the house.
and i'll second that you don't know what they will do until the chips are down.
i recall my alcohlic being arrested for smashing a door down and attacking my neighbor whose house i had fled to one particularly bad night. one policeman arrested him and the other police man was standing in the living room.
across the walkie talkie, i heard my partner saying to the police officer "take her house key from her, the apartment is only in my name".
the police officer said i could stay in our home and the judge ordered him not to come near our house for 2 months.
anyway, just a story.
naive