Hi Christine, I can realate. I used to make my feeling and emotions go away. It was a awy to make it go away or at least not hurt as much. But thought recovrey I have really learned how to give things over to my HP and once that is done they dont hurt me anymore.
You might want to start a journal. I know you are not good with you words but the journal dosnt have to make sence to anyone but you. It is a good way to get out what you are thinking and feeling.
Good luck to you and I look forward to chating with you more.
(((hugs)))