I've been doing CoDA work for 1.5 years and have made great strides. But I feel there's something missing in my work.
On a recent weekend trip, I was visiting a long-term recovery friend and after hearing my story, she suggested that my mother was a "dry-drunk" regardless of whether there was alcohol involved or not. (I am currently living with my mom...difficult to say the least!
And still intrigued by what the term means, but the responses here resonate.
On this same trip I visited with my now ex-g/f. It was like what yeahgr8 said: she's changing nothing on the inside and expecting exterior changes to be enough. (Great piece of wisdom!) Shortly into our visit... I started to trigger and wanted to drink. I don't have an active problem with drinking... but I certainly could. It was good to notice that she triggered me. I also realized that our relationship... was like the one I have with my mom: very.very.difficult. Thanks to my recovery, I know that me moving in with ex (something she desperately wants and my refusal was the cause of our breakup) would not solve her problem of being unhappy and miserable but would quickly lead me back down into the black hole of nothingness.
Recovery friend suggested I attend Al-Anon. Might be what's missing in my recovery work.
Great topic, thanks for bringing this up.
peace.
e