Hi Corn. I'm glad to see you responded. I have to tell you, your story really isn't too far off from mine. I can really relate to what you are feeling RIGHT NOW. Hopeless, alone, weight of the world on your shoulders...yeah, I get it. I lived that life for many years. I was raised in a strict Christian home and I wanted NO PART of that! AA was my absolute last option. Like you, I was different. I couldn't afford to lose my job, I had outside issues (Bi Polar) and I was completely against this higher power nonsense. But, in the end, I had to give AA a try. It has worked for millions of other alcoholics. Surely, there must be something to it. Once I could open my mind just a tiny bit to the idea that maybe a group of sober alcoholics could find strength in each other and be a little more powerful than just me, well then...I had a higher power. Surely I could admit that a group of people is more powerful than just one person alone. That was my in. From there I changed and evolved and continue to do so. As long as I can keep my mind open just a fraction and be willing and honest. That's it. It has really changed my life. it is free. and I have never been turned away due to a lack of insurance. In fact, I've never even missed a day of work due to AA. I never went to rehab for the same reasons you don't go. Instead, I tried AA. And wouldn't ya know it....I can confidently say that it's worked for millions PLUS one more. I know it seems like everyone is picking on you, AA this and AA that....try to open up to the possibility. Give it a shot. What have you got to lose at this point?
Let me know what you think.....