Finding a new 'edge'
Hi all. I've been around this forum for a while but have finally found some footing. I have 10 days sober and have a bunch of tools in my toolbox now, and more importantly, the motivation to keep at this. I feel great -- no regrets. New possibilities are presenting themselves in my life, where before I was caught up in a drinking cycle that took all of my free time and energy. No regrets at all!!!
However, here's what I wonder. I am squeaky clean right now. I don't smoke, I don't take any drugs, I don't even like smoking pot (the last time I tried it I had a miserable time!), I eat healthy foods, I exercise 5 times a week, I have a responsible job, I have 3 wonderful children that I care for and do volunteer work for at their schools, you get the idea. The biggest vice I have is caffeine (I love coffee.)
When I used to drink, it opened up a wilder, edgier side of my personality. I miss that, though I don't miss all the negatives that came with it.
I am searching to stay sober and still find an "edge" for myself that will make me feel just a little wild, a little less Polly Anna-ish, if you know what I mean. I express myself in my clothing, my music, and I've even signed up for some adult hip-hop dance classes to express some of this pent up "wildness."
I was just wondering if anyone has dealt with this feeling and has any helpful ideas or thoughts on this topic.... THANKS!
Laura