Again, I feel I can kinda relate to a lot of what you've written. Not all...but a lot. I just keep hoping for you that your career choices and life choices are not all about proving anything to anyone else, whether they are still on the planet or are looking down from above. One thing you said in the beginning post was drinking not out of only boredom, but also shame. It's the shame thing that keeps ringing in my ears. I guess I hope that whatever direction you choose to steer the ship, that it's for yourself Toronto.
I am sober for 10 weeks today...and I am starting to be able to see my inner compass...and am starting to follow its reading. And that feels good. Very good. I got way off track..I think it was lost in the fog of alcohol. Do you know that feeling I am talking about....the inner compass? And how good it feels when you follow it?