Hi Jack... Great post. Welcome.
I can relate to so much of your post. I don't even know where to start!!!! I do have experience with ambien that is nearly identical to yours. Bizarre, regrettable behavior... yep. Funny thing is now, I sleep like a baby with nothing except a warm bed! Alcohol really screws up sleep. Once the alcohol was gone, so was the insomnia....
Anyway, I am 52, in a highly technical and stressful career. I too thought I was highly functioning... I found out that was a lie. You may find out the same thing.
I still hike big mountains (up your way in VT,NH and ME), ski, whitewater, bicycle... and yea, I used to associate those activities with a beer, or other stuff, at some point. But not anymore, and I have just as good a time... in fact, I can do anything I want, except drink.
I also liked those cozy bars and drinks with the wife in front of the fire. I don't do bars anymore, well occasionally, but only for good reasons, but I am still happily married.
I had all the questions you did. I found that the answers came, but not all at once, but they did. First things first!!! ya know? Quit drinking... and your answers, your truth, your life, will come to you....
AA had many of the answers I needed. Have you looked into it?
Keep posting.
Mark