Originally Posted by
lostmyway Hi all. Last night was not a good one for me. I am feeling very beaten down right now and I let myself drink without much of an internal fight. I did call my sponsor, who finally admitted that she hasn't done all of the steps herself and can only help me with the first three. But she suggested that I may need more than AA and was surprised to hear that I have never been to a rehab.
I step back and look at the problem and it seems so simple. I love alcohol. There was a time in my life when I really enjoyed alcohol; before I realized I have a progressive disease. Now, alcohol does not work for me anymore. I can't have just one. I get my hands on alcohol and all bets are off; I will not stop until I have annihilated myself, and then, what good am I? What good am I as a person, as a mother, as a wife, as an employee? None whatsoever. So the obvious thing to do is remove the thing that does not work anymore. The problem is that I can't stop loving the thing that is trying to kill me.
I am going to try again.
But I cannot see where rehab would fit into the picture. I know it's said that if you can find time to drink, you can find time to make it to a meeting. I know that's true, because I've been to lots of meetings. But rehab? That would be a huge investment of time and money. I don't want to miss things my kids are doing, especially my younger one as she is only five months old. And I doubt I would be able to keep my job. Two days after I got the job, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I started getting migraines during the pregnancy and missed a lot of time then. Then of course came maternity leave. THEN came my stay in the psychiatric hospital because I couldn't figure out how to deal with life while sober. So yeah...I doubt I have any more time coming to me.