Hi Amy. I'm 28 and I'm only on Day 3, so I guess you and I had that "awakening" rather closely in time. The last couple of days have been a little (or maybe a lot) rough. Like you, I was about 10-12 drinks a day, and also like you, I've been keeping a journal. I feel it helps me sort through my thoughts if I put it to paper, because I kind of stop and think about things before I commit to writing them down. And when I stop, rather than allowing my brain to simply dart around all over the place, I find I can gather and interpret my thoughts much better than before.
I've gotten through the last 3 days by reading the posts on this board, talking to people, and attending AA meetings. I've been to 8 in 2 days. That may sound like a lot, but I'm really, really committed to defeating my alcoholism. It's devastated my girl, caused me to miss family functions, made me miss work...Just ridiculous things that no person should ever allow to happen. But I did. And at the meetings, nearly every time someone shares a story, I see some of myself in it. You hear this person speak about things they've done, and you think to yourself, "Holy crap! I've done that times 10!" And it's made me begin to see things in myself that I don't like, but realize I need to change.
Went to a meeting at 11 last night. Didn't want to go. It was chilly and windy outside, I was low on gas, but I went. And I heard some things that I really needed to hear. I also got a sponsor yesterday. After talking with several guys, he was the one with whom I was most comfortable, and we kind of discussed his outlook on the program and the 12 steps, and it was what I wanted. So I very much suggest that you check out some meetings. I've found that I enjoy the larger meetings because a)you don't stand out as much, and b)there's more people from whom you can hear and learn.
Best wishes as you begin your journey. I'm right behind ya.