Hello all! I am hitting what I never thought possible. I am so grateful for your support and fellowship on this board. Without the people here sharing their most personal experiences with and around alcohol, I would not have been able to have the "evidence" I was so desperately seeking to figure out if I really had a problem or not. Of course, I always knew on some level that I did...but before I found this board, the part of my brain that knew something was wrong was always struggling against the part of my brain that kept assuring me everything was just fine, under control, after all, everyone's drinking like this, aren't they?
Since I've stopped drinking, I've realized:
- Most people absolutely did not drink like I did.
- I can have fun and laugh, really laugh, without alcohol.
- I can play and be silly without alcohol.
- I couldn't do it totally alone. I needed SR to give me the perspective and insight that I sorely lacked.
- The people closest to me didn't think I was weak for admitting I had a problem, but admired me and called me "strong" for finally dealing with it.
- Who my real friends are...which has helped me to weed out the people who treated me badly, and made me feel like a stranger in my own skin.
- That I could feel much physically better than I ever imagined.
- That I don't hate myself anymore.
All of these things have given me a measure of peace. Although still so new to sobriety, I feel like I'm light years away from where I was on day 1. I find that a whole week goes by, and I don't even
think about alcohol. I mean, it doesn't even cross my mind. I am finding other ways to have fun, joy and fulfilment. On the weekends, I do think about it, as I cannot help but think about where I would've normally been in my drinking cycle. I think it all through, and am so grateful that I made the decision to quit. I do so many things now on the weekends, and REMEMBER THEM ALL.
Here's what it used to look like...Friday night - hammered. Saturday a.m. - hungover. Saturday afternoon - start drinking until the wee hours of Sunday morning...completely obliterated. Drink Sunday to make the hangover less painful. Maybe get drunk again, drink until about 5, get hammered, go to bed around 9, wake up at 4 a.m. Monday morning with a racing heart, and anxiety so bad, it was nearly unbearable. Get ready for work Monday a.m., physically exhausted and mentally full of self-loathing. Drag all through the day hungover. OMG - I can't believe I had time for this. I'm getting tired just writing all of this...much less having lived it.
For those out there suffering still - stay strong, you can do it. You CAN. And the rewards just keep coming. Clarity of mind, peace, self-respect. It all can be yours again. You're still in there, and you're worth it.
