Simply put Eliot: Stop thinking about the past and what could have been and decisions that could have been made to change the course of your life. Also don't worry about why you drink like you do but instead accept the reality. ie- that you're writing on a recovery forum and have attended an AA meeting. That indicates, in all probability, that you're an alcoholic or if you don't want to use that term, then have a serious problem with alcohol.
Don't let your intellect get in the way of living in the solution. The solution being that you're an alcoholic and that you need to stay away from that first drink on a daily basis if you want to get out of the rut that you're in. From there that gives the ability to address your thinking by working a programme of recovery so that you can live life sober and relatively contented.
I was the same when i first went to AA. I said exactly the same as you about the cliche's. Then I went back drinking again and smashed myself down even lower so I was willing to get over my predjudices and live in the solution and not in the problems. The problems being that all of this intellectualising just keeps you drinking.
You will only be able to recover if you stop drinking though.