On the Fence
I don't even know where to begin. I was just sitting at my desk this morning thinking about why I drink on the weekends. In fact I had 4 beers yesterday and it was Wednesday. Something about the spring warmer sunny weather here in Ohio this week makes you want to celebrate.
Anyway I work at a place where we have had 3 layoffs as well as a 10% pay cut in the last year. Now I have twice the responsibilites for less pay and am behind in our bills at home. To say the least I am a little stressed out!
I dont like to use the stress as an excuse to drink but over the last year I have stepped it up a little.
Normally I will drink on a Friday or Saturday night and on Sunday when football is on. I'm a die hard Cleveland Browns Fan and that in itself will drive you to drink Ha! Ha!
But seriously I started thinking if drinking with my friends is becoming more important than my family. I have a 16 year old daughter and a 14 year old son who get A's and B's in school and always hit the merit or honor roll. I am real proud of them both and do tell them that. My wife is a saint. She is the kind of gal that will come out and hang with the guys in the garage and have a beer or two while the games on. She usually does not over do it in fact I guess you could say shes actually a social drinker. She doesent mind if I go over to a friends house on the weekend for a while as long as I am careful and call if I need a ride home.
Me on the other hand. I start out drinking to be social and 90% of the time I dont stop till its the end of the night. I usually dont get sloppy drunk. I've had enough practice considering I started drinking when I was 16 and I am now 44. I did however have my share of emarrassing moments along the way. I was in the Navy and remember passing out in the gutter in Marsaille(not sure of the spelling) France with vomit all over my uniform at the age of 19. It was pretty much balls to the wall back then. I also remember drinking tons of Jim Beam and coke after I got out of the Navy and waking up one night in an ambulance strapped down cause I went into a siezure and pulled my pillow so tight against my face it made me pass out. My dad found me not breathing and had to give me mouth to mouth. I woke up but was disoriented and they had to strap me down. After that they put me on dilantin for seizures. I was on that for about 8 years and would drink from time to time but not as heavy as before.
Now I just drink with a few friends mostly on the weekends. It's just my way of relaxing or so I tell myself.
My concern is when Im drinking with buddies lately I am starting to think about things like could I be spending more quality time with my kids. I am having a hard time with this and my question is does this mean I have a problem? Has anyone else here been through this? I do spend time with my kids and wife but feel like when I am drinking that they kinda get pushed to the side.
My friends are the kind of people who would give you the shirt off thier backs. They know my kids and have watched them grow up with there kids. It just doesent seem as fun anymore and that I think is putting me on the fence about quitting. Dont get me wrong after a couple of beers I am still ready to rock but afterwards I feel guilty.
Any comments would be appreciated.
Thanks!
Jerry