tjl

My husband of 3 years is a binge drinker. He's always been one but, like most women, I believed after we got married and had a child it would stop. Well, it didn't. It doesn't happen as often, but it still happens. Here's the scenario exactly how it happens everytime: He apologizes, gets depressed, cries and tells me he's going to stop drinking. He'll be good for a couple weeks & things will be great between us and I'll start to trust him again. One day he'll ask to go to a friend's house just to play video games for a few hours on a week night. I'll always tell him "No" b/c he always ends up going to the bars after the gaming ends when the other husbands go home. He then tells me he's been so good and needs to get out of the house and hang with the guys & promises me up & down that he will be home by 11 so he can get enough sleep & get up for work. Then, like clockwork, I wake up in a panic at 2 a.m. wondering where the hell he is. I call him over & over until I hear him trying to unlock the door. He smells like a brewery, I call him out, yell at him for drunk driving, he slurs his words, he sleeps in the basement & I try to go back to sleep (yeah right) before my alarm goes off at 3:45. Then, he calls in sick in the morning & I'm pissed again. This exact thing happens all the time, last night actually and as always, he's at home, not at work. At the moment we are not in the middle of a dryout period. He's drinking quite a bit. I know a big part of the problem is that I haven't stopped drinking. I like to have a few beers on the weekends and I know it just validates his behavior. We've tried just letting him drink with me but he always finds a way to go out on his own eventually. I've tried taking all the money/credit cards away from him but he finds a friend at a bar who will buy him drinks.
I get so jealous when I see couples out having a few drinks and going home. If we do go out, he keeps me out until bar time or it ends in a fight. I know I'm rambling but I'm trying to get it all out. My whole existance seems that I am always "reeling him in." I feel like all I do is try to convince him to stay home & he's always resisting. If he is home all he wants to do is lay in front of the T.V. and sleep, no matter what time it is. I'm left to care for our daughter & get the chores done. It's driving us apart. When things are good they're good but when they're bad...well you know. Since he's not a traditional alcoholic (hiding whiskey bottles) it's hard to tell him he needs help.
So, here I sit, angry. I'm sure I'll go home, he'll throw on the charm and I won't tell him how upset I am b/c I don't want to get in a fight, I'm too tired. I'm at a loss!
There's more but I can get into that later. Thanks for reading.