Originally Posted by
lostmyway 
Three days after celebrating 30 days, I picked up drinking again. The only day I haven't drank so far this week was Sunday. Somehow I'm not surprised. Seems that even when I'm sober I'm just waiting for the hammer to fall, and just like that, I'll be back to my old ways. Time to face the music and get back to my meetings I guess, though I don't know what purpose that will serve since I don't believe I can stay sober for more than a month or two.
You and I, lost, seem to have a very similar mindset on this process. I have not been able to make it past the 30 day mark since my first attempt at getting sober last June. I have had 3 seperate 30 day stretches, but I just can't seem to make it past that month.
I always set out with a good outlook, and a strong mindset, but over time it seems to weaken, and I tend to doubt that I really have the will power to quit drinking forever. I start to question if I'm really serious, and sometimes if I even really want to stop, and then I end up going on a binge, and reminding myself of why I was trying to get sober in the first place.
I'm now two days sober, and coming off of my latest period of relapse, and latest binge, and I am wanting sobriety as much as ever, but I still have all kinds of doubts and questions surrounding all of this.
I guess what I am trying to say is that you are not alone. If you really believe that sobriety is what is best for your life then do not give up. I refuse to stop trying no matter how many times I fall, and I hope you continue fighting for whatever it is that you want.
I hope that helps some.