Seriously?
Today is my 9th day. Tonight my husband came home and asked me if I was going to see him play this weekend. (I talked about this in another thread..He's in a band and is playing back home this weekend..and a real challenge for me)..Anyway, I said yes...But he noticed I wasn't too thrilled about it and asked why and I told him its because I won't be drinking so I'm afraid the night is going to be really long...From that point this is how the conversation went.
"What do you mean you're not going to drink?"
"I'm not drinking. You know I quit."
"YOU are going to spend the weekend with YOUR family and not drink?"
"Yes."
"Why do that to yourself. You're not an alcoholic. You always put too much pressure on yourself, grab on to something and blow it out of porportion."
So I looked him in the eyes and said, "I don't know if I'm an alcoholic, but I do know that I have been using alcohol to cope with depression, aniexty...life..and that isn't right. I need to stop."
Then my son came up and asked him to play hockey...so he went and that is the last we will speak of it because he is afraid to talk about it. When I stopped before he didn't talk about it either. The thing is he wasn't around when I drank the most. He always saw me with one after work and not the two or three others I had before he got home...drinking fast because I knew he would be home at certain time...hearing him at the door and quickly filling my glass so it appeared like I had just started...Letting him take the kids for their bath and quietly pouring another drink...trying to hide it from my daughter who watches everything I do real closely..
Okay, I think I just convinced myself to keep going. I was starting to waiver when he said I over do things...cause I do...The OCD kicks in..haha..BUT I just reminded myself why I'm doing it....It would be so easy to go on Saturday and drink..I'm getting Facebook messages galore about people wanting to buy me drinks.."can't wait to get together and party!"...I'm upset that I'm going to disappoint them, but I have to selfish damn it!!