Hi and Welcome,
Oh yes, the endless cycle of drinking, feeling miserable about what I'd done, and then drinking again. I felt like I would never get out of it. But, I did and you can too. I'm not an AA person, but I think you need to go to a meeting and talk to people in order to get a sponsor. Please know that you can do this. Take the leap of faith and get out of the cycle.
I'm glad you found us.