Originally Posted by
keithj 
Oh my God, Lost. I am so sorry that AA has abused you like this. It's unfortunate that people with that level of misunderstanding of the AA program go around representing it.
Sadly, it's fairly common. I don't know why I'm surprised. Here's where the willingness comes in, Lost. Find somebody who has had a spiritual awakening as the result of the Steps who is willing to show you how to have your own experience. Go to different meetings where the members actually carry a Big Book and know what it says. Call the AA hotline and ask to be hooked up with someone that meets that description. You may have to do some searching, but I'm confident that those people are out there in every town.
I will add that my very first day of not drinking, I was heavily involved in Step work, out of the BB, with directions from a knowledgeable sponsor.
Be honest and follow the suggestion in above if there is really no-one in the meetings that you go to...you are looking for that person who will guide you through the steps like now (second time i saw my sponsor we started the steps, only because the first time he wanted me to go away and answer a question: was i willing to do anything he told me on the basis that all his 'suggestions' could be found in the Big Book...this was just a formality really i said yes as soon as he asked lol but it was sat night and very late) and who has had a spiritual awakening themselves...go for it!