Originally Posted by
lostmyway 
I finally asked the sponsor I have now and she told me not to even think about it, to just worry about staying sober.
Oh my God, Lost. I am so sorry that AA has abused you like this. It's unfortunate that people with that level of misunderstanding of the AA program go around representing it.
Sadly, it's fairly common. I don't know why I'm surprised. Here's where the willingness comes in, Lost. Find somebody who has had a spiritual awakening as the result of the Steps who is willing to show you how to have your own experience. Go to different meetings where the members actually carry a Big Book and know what it says. Call the AA hotline and ask to be hooked up with someone that meets that description. You may have to do some searching, but I'm confident that those people are out there in every town.
I will add that my very first day of not drinking, I was heavily involved in Step work, out of the BB, with directions from a knowledgeable sponsor.