Where the mind goes, the feet will follow.
If you're already anticipating defeat before and during your attempts at sobriety, it may be more internal work you need to do rather than external meetings.
It doesn't sound like you're willing to do whatever it takes to live a sober life - not that you should stop trying - but you just might not be there yet.
Hopefully it won't take something devastating to get you there. Keep trying. All the best to you.