This originally began as a private message to CarolD as a response to her sharing her very similar experience as I had. I admit to clandestine motives by not posting as a public reply. I realized, though, that I'm on this message board to be honest and open; I mean, come on, Eliot! So, without further ado - my not-all-that-exciting PM to CarolD. (It's really nothing special.)
We had similar experiences.
I decided in the meeting that "I was going to drink tonight." The stories and experiences told by others were actually somewhat of a trigger for me!
I shook hands with John and thanked him for talking with me afterward - he was nice, familiar to me -though a stranger; I left the meeting and walked as quickly as I could to the liquor store around the corner where I bought a bottle of wine just in time (Here in WI, retailers are not allowed to sell alcohol after 9PM.) I was the last customer. I honestly expected the "open" sign to turn off as I approached. I did not run, though - I could have. (Only an alcoholic would have run!...jk?) But I did walk as fast as possible.
Why? Because I am high-functioning and that is a big, big part of my problem! I'll drink a bottle of wine tonight (1/3 down), [editors note: 1/2 down, what with all the copying and pasting business] wake up tomorrow and be fine. Go to the office and say, "Happy Wednesday, everyone!" I am an alcoholic, without a doubt. (You'll notice I won't 'say' that last paer.)
Somewhere along the line in that meeting I thought, "Hmmm, I guess I'm doing the right thing tonight. Though, when I get home, it would be nice to hit the white wine and throw something together for dinner (live-alone bachelor)." And here I am.
I am glad I went to the meeting. I liked.
I am going to go back(to the meeting); honest, I am. ("Honest or not, Eliot, it's your life, your decision." Yes; I agree.) Next Tuesday, if not sooner. It's for me. But I didn't connect tonight. We all have the exact same story but not quite the exact same story. I've no great insight into my take-away from this night. I met some nice people. I met John, afterall.
Yours in loquaciousness,
Eliot.,