I probably started drinking at 17 and I still do at nearly 50. So, Ok I thought about some of your questions.
At 17 I drank too going out partying and not even remembering how I got home. (what a thought) Looking back I did it for the same reasons you did. It felt good, made things easier to enjoy. At that age I wasnt the most confident girl around so drinking helped. In australia, drinking is part of our culture, social activity, its advertised heavily, always has been, so it all seemed part of usual life. I didnt see drinking as a problem at all, it was accepted wherever you went. At 33 I was still a 'social' drinker but then split up with my hubby. I then drank to numb the pain every night until I blacked out on the floor.
At 36ish, I realized I had big problems, my father died and this probably knocked the guts out of me. This is when I stopped completely. I dont know why, I guess at that time the pain of flashing back through my life, was enough.
Over the years though, met a new partner and I was drinking again (socially?) most nights - you know a couple of glasses but I was dealing with a relative who was a full blown alcoholic too, so this kind of stopped the drinking again.
Now, though, at my age, I am drinking more than ever as I lost my sister only 4 mths ago. Why I ask, dulling the pain again, my brain has turned off somewhat. Wouldnt you think I would know better by now?
What my point is to you though is this. Life has many ups and downs and at the end of the day, its how we deal with it.
OK you are 21, think you are having a whole lot of fun and actually enjoying it (I did it too & I had no other responsibilites other than that - having fun)
You are young, somehow you are aware that you think you have a problem (I never thought that at 21) This is good.
Ask yourself this - Do you drink to disguise who you really are to your friends, do they like you anymore or less, are you hurting anyone at the time, are you hurting yourself. Do you like who you are when youre doing this.
I guess you have to make choices here - Do you really want to continue, are you brave enough to change your lifestyle, friends and are you ready to grow up yet. You can keep doing what you do but who knows what life will chuck at you, hey? You could get raped or worse.
Alcohol, drugs what ever 'fun' pill you take, ask yourself why you need it or have to do it? If the reason is because all your peers do it, then change your peers. If the reason is because it makes you feel better, buy a block of chocolate.
Also, whats the worst thing that could happen if you tell your parents or whats the worst thing that could happen if you dont?