Hi killswitch
I didn't start to recover until I let go of thinking along these lines:
Part of me still tells myself that I can handle it, and I can moderate, and it will be okay, but I end up slowly going back to drinking more and more, and then I have an epic blackout night and I end up in the doghouse for several days, and feeling like a piece of crap for what I did. My fiance forgives me, and I go back to trying to stay sober again. Rinse and repeat.
It took me losing my partner (twice), and nearly dying, for me to finally realise - hey, you know what - you
can't handle it...
Be smarter than me. At least think about the idea of a recovery programme (AA, SMART, LifeRing etc.)...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
It's so true what they say - nothing changes if nothing changes, killswitch.
D