Welcome to SR KS.
My pattern was pretty much the same as yours.
It took an ultimatum from my wife for me to give it up.
I have a list of the bad things that will happen if I drink and if I get it in my head that a couple may be OK I read the list.
Number one on my list is my wife will leave me and that is as far as I have had to read so far.
I know this may not help much but I do want to wish you good luck.