Very good, and right on time!!
I guess living a life filled with anger and rage for so long (got sober at 50) that there is so much of it there I will be working on letting go of the anger which has been around since I was very young. For a long time, when I got angry, the object/trigger for it really wasn't the actual focus of my rage. The unfortunate object of my rage was simply the latest in a long line of things/people who, by no real fault of their own, found themselves on the wrong end of my anger because, I was just mad from long ago, living with enormous resentments (in the end I was resentful/angry/rageful with/at myself.).
So, I have done three fourth/fifth steps, getting the anger out, processing it. From that point on it is a matter of self-awareness, and help from others in the program, continuously processing the old and preventing any new resentments from taking root.
Yes, it is the little things which get us. Each little thing, by itself, may not be much but, over a period of time disregarding these "little" things, I am creating a collective monster which will find its' way out in a most irrational way. I have to process the old and prevent any new resentments/anger from growing. I can only accomplish this by working the steps and having a good program. If not, I'm setting the stage for a blow up. I may not drink/use but, I will certainly act out and do everything I used to do (less the drinking) going on an emotional dry bender.
Anger is an emotion. I cannot deny the fact. What I strive to achieve is advance warning of it coming, coupled with a plan of action when it arrives. Eventually, over time, the level of old anger has greatly diminished and i am far more aware of my triggers. The process works. One of my brothers told me there is a peace in me which he has never seen. I know this much, it is a relative thing. My anger from the past is barely there and my ability to deal with new anger is getting better all the time. From that, I can understand his observation although, i may not be aware of it myself, at the time.
Through the program of recovery, I am not as sensitive to the things which used to trigger my anger. I feel much better about me. There would be no "me", though, had "we" not become..... a "whole" person.
"Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harms we do, we do to ourselves."
-Mitch Albom,
Thanks!!
A