Things Destroyed
I am very new to the recovery process and just want to feel human again. I'm afraid of the detox process because it might reveal my secret. (Closet drunk) I get sober for a couple of days then my body starts to show signs on my addiction. For some ungodly reason I feel that I have to keep that secret, so I drink again. It is completely insane. I get that. But hey, that is what addiction does right? Makes you bat crap crazy. I have been on the board for a couple of weeks now and it has helped me so much. Makes me feel that I am not alone.
I am really struggling with regret these days. I get sober only to see myself fall back again. Me trying to protect my stupid secret. Gah, I just don't get it! Why am I destroying everything to protect this stupid little bottle? Why in the hell am I so afraid of telling the people I care about that I am an alcoholic?