I really don't even know where to begin...
I have been drinking pretty heavily for over 20 years....and I have been in denial for so long about my drinking... telling myself (and my husband) that I don't have a problem... that I can stop whenever I want to.
I was drinking the night before last and just kept going and going.... and then waking up and not remembering how or when I went to sleep. Something just hit me and it felt like a ton of bricks. I feel this huge weight on me right now. I am SO sad. I feel miserable. I hate the way I get and the things I do when I drink. I have children......and responsibilities. I can't be like this anymore.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed......and just don't even know how or what to tell my husband. I know my drinking has always concerned him. We have had several fights about it. My dh hardly ever drinks.... and I will usually have a couple of drinks while making dinner.... I can tell it bothers him. He tries to be cool about it....but I know.
What's really bizarre is he has drank the past 3 nights in a row. very unlike him. I don't want him to think I'm coming to this realization just because he has been drinking..... or that I don't want to drink with him. I hope I'm making sense here.
I feel like I'm rambling but I needed to get this off of my chest.... and I guess need some advice.
I just don't know if I should talk to him about this soon...... or if I should ponder all of this in silence and just wait a while...
I just don't know...
