trying to figure out the mind of an addict
literally going crazy trying to figure out if i was going crazy.
spending so much time trying to excuse or justify someone else's actions.
i hated all the time spent actually thinking that addicts don't know any better than to do whatever it is they do and say.
being so decieved into thinking that i was to blame for most everything.
being decieved into thinking no matter what, "for better or worse" applies to every situation.
being a ra, looking back and realizing how dumb i must have sounded/ how sick i had become.
i hate that i thought it was somehow better for my kids for me to continue to try to live with someone else's addiction.
i hate i spent 21yrs basically waiting for what was never to happen. ok, so i didn't know that it wouldn't happen but never the less, 21yrs of a person's life is far too long. i hate i didn't find sr sooner.
i hate that even though he's no longer alive, our lives are still being effected by what he left behind, and i hate that i feel angry sometimes thinking that my ah took the easy way out. shame on me.
i hate looking back but i do pray that the past will somehow benefit the future.