Originally Posted by
angharad 
Thanks
I also got a lot of work done on my assignments tonight too which I wouldn't have ordinarily done on a saturday night. I understand what ur saying Intention I really do, I've never been much of s 'groups' person. Since I was 17 doctors and psychs have asked me to do councelling and therapy for my bipolar. im fine on one-on-one therapy but I just can't relax in 'group therapy'. When I went to the meetings I felt enourmous pressure to sit there and tell my story and as I was the new one the people were focusing on me when i just wanted to blend into the background. There were only 8 people in there the second time I went and Im really not being agesit at all but I look much younger than 29 (I always used to get ID'd for booze) and I felt in my paranoid little brain that I didnt deserve to be there as I hadn't suffered as long as those who were there, and the 2 women I met felt a bit like they were mothering me
I know they had good intentions. I don't know I might give it another shot. I will think about it. Thank you though for the support you all provide on here
Hi Angharad,
What those two women were doing was giving you was unconditional love - giving you love without any strings attached. This is probably something you have never experienced before, except from close family/partners. It may be that even your friends don't give unconditional love - they love you but however kind and well meaning they are, they expect something back from you in return, whether it be your attention, respect, time, or you to do something for them.... etc.
These people in AA expect nothing back from you and I know when I first experienced this, it made me feel very uncomfortable. The fact that it is something new and a change, is a good thing. If nothing changes, nothing changes. At first when the old blokes in the meetings came up and hugged me it was weird.........but now I go up to them and ask for my hug!!!
I'm a single mum with a 7 year old who forgot this morning that it is Mother's day with no Dad here reminding him or showing him what to do. I got a text very early from another AA wishing me Happy Mother's day. It was very unexpected and very much appreciated. I wasn't but I could have been sitting here a very lonely, alcoholic thinking about drinking because no-one, my friends and family, had even considered what it could be like to be a Mother with no-one saying Happy Mother's Day.
Small gestures like that one from an AA who has freely given something can mean the difference between someone drinking or not drinking that day. Or the difference between a day sober, or a day in A&E with wrists slashed from a suicide attempt. Although it is working the Steps which enables us to recover from alcoholism, the fellowship of AA can be very powerful.
There is no need to share anything in a meeting. I talked to someone recently who didn't share for 2 years. And even if you share, you do not need to tell your story. You share what you want to and what you feel comfortable with.
Many people in AA have mental health issues and will relate to conditions like bipolor. We also have a lot of sayings in AA. There is one called "terminal uniqueness". All alcoholics believe that they are unique - no-one quite drinks like they do, feels like they do, has lived a life like theirs, feels the same in crowds of people etc etc. It's not true. It is only an illusion that alcohol creates in the mind of the alcoholic to prevent them from getting help and cutting off the alcohol supply it so desperately needs. And it is called "terminal" because feeling like this will eventually lead to death.
Neo said you have to do what you have gotta do to keep sober. This means doing something different than you did before. Very few people can actually get and stay sober indefintely on their own. They need a support network around them of people who know how to stay sober and a program of recovery.
Well done on getting that work done last night and no doubt you are hangover free this afternoon, so that is great