Thanks for sharing. x
yes it has got be your choice otherwise you won't stick with it. You gotta want to stop using more than using.
I am also an addict as well as an alcoholic. You did well to be able to finish your degree and get a good job etc whils't drinking and using to those levels. For me I couldn't cope with managing a life towards the end of my drinking binges as the depression coming down was just too bad. I suffered really badly from depression and used booze especially to medicate and get a release from feeling so f*cked and depressed.
I guess I was always more of a binge-drinker as for me to drink anymore than that would have resulted in getting kicked out of home and I would probably be dead now.
My thinking is totally different to how it was back in my drinking days. I drank again after 37 days back in June and then went on benders because I was not completely ready and had not admitted total and utter powerlessness. Also I was not willing to admit that a spiritual solution is required to maintain happy, grateful sobriety. All that means for me is trying to practice a religion of kindness. Having humility, polite and well mannered most of the time!, helping others and being totally honest with myself. I try to live totally honest now as much as possible as it would eat me up if I did anything corrupt or with bad motives.
I also try to remain grateful for my recovery from alcoholism as I have seen what so many fail to see. When I feel myself losing gratitute, I try to think why, and try to remind myself what i have, and what drinking would strip me of.
I am the calmest I have ever been in my life and people see me as being very, very chilled out and 'sensible' LOL. If only they knew!
Always remember to Live in the solution and not in the problems. The consequences of your drinking sound like they were quite severe as they had bad health implications. Mine were all 'mental/psycholgical' in nature. Other than f*cked nasal/sinus problems! LOL. Healing slowly I gues though.
Remember that alcoholism/addiction is fundamentally a thinking problem so try to embrace recovery so that you think totally differently about life and people/places/things than you used to. Then you are on you way imo. That is only my experince anyway, You may be different as everyone is. This is not an overnight process but you just kind of realise!
I guess it's even more the case that drinking for you is insane given the health implications, so don't be a martyr for the sake of your peers. For me what keeps me from drinking or feeling ungrateful about it is that I have 100% acceptance that I'm an alcoholic and know the truth of what will happen to me.
Also when I used to moan about getting sober at 23 then I was told and realised that there never is a 'right' time to get sober so may as well just bite the bullet. It ain't that bad. haha.
peace