Thanks Neo you always speak a lot of very honest sense
I've been coming on here daily, if not posting then reading, and its a great help to me. I am doing the whole "one day at a time" thing and its working so far. Today is day 7 and im still reeling about f*****g it up last week after 25 days!!
ITs the hardest thing i've ever done. I;m a smoker...have been since i was 15, actually gave up with patches when i was 22 for 2 years. But during that 2 years my occasional spliff per week turned into a daily occurrence. I just substituted Nicotine with Weed. I started cocaine at the age of 19 - started uni went out partying and im a "try anything once" kinda girl. That soon became a every weekend habit, then a every tie i went out habit. By the time I was 24 I had started smoking ciggies again, the weed was a daily occurrence, the cocaine was a thrus-sat night occurrence, and the alcohol had been a daily occurrence for the last 2 years.
By the age of 25 I guess I was f***ed! I have an addictive personality I;m guessing. I do things to extreme and usually it takes an extreme for me to quit e.g moving 200miles south from my coke dealer and not being able to find another one put an end to my coke years; weed dealer going to prison ended my weed days. In other words I guess I;ve never quit something before because I wanted to its always been circumstantial.
In 2005 I had to see a Liver Consultant due to the excessive alcohol intake had enlarged my liver and back then as i was quite a large girl the fatty foods i was gorging on when drunk had caused lesions in my liver. I had all types of tests and was told to loose weight and quit alcohol (i was a wine drinker back then and got terrible acid reflux) or I would have liver failure. Sure enough that was a shock and over the next 2 years I lost 6 stone from eating healthy, YET only managed 6 months of not drinking before I had the idea that there was no calories in vodka and soda water! Hence my obsession with vodka then and not the empty calorie wine! BAM alcohol back to a daily occurrence!
This has resulted in me being on Omeprazole (protein pump inhibitors) pills twice a day otherwise the chest/tummy pain is unbearable. I was told once i lost weight this would go away. but it seems i really did some damage with the alcohol intake and my scarred oesophagus will never heal.
Basically what I'm trying to say is that quitting my addiction
this time is MY choice. Its not an addiction that i am being forced to quit due to circumstance. I really want to succeed!