Hi Mate. Sounds familiar. I am a blackout binge drinker. Always was from day one, can't see how not to be. Used to laugh about it back in the day but then things like drink driving convictions and other bad sh*t starts to happen.
I got sober at 23 and have 8+ months now. If I was to drink then I couldn't say that I wouldn't drive again or anything else. When I am intoxicated, then all bets are off, as they say. I am not me really but a crazed alcoholic. I am very calm and collected when sober mindyou.
First step imo is admitting and accepting you're an alcoholic. One drink is too many and 10000 is never enough. It is the first drink that does all the damage. You cannot drink alcohol anymore, period. Just for today.
All The best.