I have shared quite a few times, I have actually chaired about 6 meetings and am actively in service so this came from no where.
Its just recent and I do think its about acceptance from others. I have never felt good enough and now that they are starting to get to know me, how long will they hang around etc so if I say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, will it still be ok and will they still talk to me.
Now, the other part of me says it doesnt matter what others think, do or say and that is how I started out in the AA journey but of late its changed.
I am off to a meeting tonight and I think its one of those days I might need to decline to talk...last week they asked me to read the traditions and thats when it all started - I just couldnt breath properly, it was all in my upper chest and I went red (ive never gone red until i stopped drinking) and couldnt talk very well so read as fast as I could so I could got and sit down. Tonight I have 30 mins of calling and then I will relax and listen to the speaker....
I am sure it will pass - like they keep telling me - this too shall pass - but its fricken annoying that it has come back when I did so much work on it and had full acceptance of how it works, how my mind works and what my body does.
And by writing that I think I just worked it out - its a mind thing for me and that has been completely altered by lack of alcohol which means how I react will be too...hmm interesting...
Hope you are enjoying reading my brain explode hahahahaa
Enjoy
