((Beatricenyc)) - welcome to SR!
I'm a recovering crack addict..just got 3 years clean this week.
I had gotten clean, once, then went back to using "occasionally". I did that for a while, but eventually relapsed and hit a bottom worse than the one before. BTW, I did crack 24/7 when I was active.
I quit when I finally got tired of the consequences piling up on me, and when getting high just wasn't enough any more. Every time I got high, the coming down part was horrible...I was so full of guilt/shame/remorse, etc. I would be almost suicidal.
When I quit and the thoughts of using again would come up, I would think back to the times AFTER the high...the depressed/suicidal times. I found a few supportive people, I stayed on SR a lot. I don't hang around people who use.
It can be done, but you have to want it bad. It's worth it though, it really is.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy