((((Dubs))))
For me to stay sober, I have to do something every day as treatment. I read one of my "Just for Today" or "Keep it Simple" or "Laugh, Thought I'd Die" meditation books. I think about the meditation all day.
I often write a gratitude list. And I have a lot to be grateful for, just like you do! I have friends who love me and workmates who depend on me and a husband who makes my life worth living. That's enough to keep me working on my recovery.
That. and that I don't want to be so sick and depressed. I don't want to disable the best of me with alcohol.
Is your wife in Alanon? Does she fully understand the consequences for you and her if you continue to drink and use?
Dubs, I worry for you. I don't want to see you die. I don't want you to end up in the back ward of some hospital. Or even worse, in jail. And these are the logical outcomes of alcoholism.
If you aren't relating to AA, have you tried other methods? Do you have a trusted and competent doctor who understands addiction? If not, get one.
Please keep posting. You deserve a life free of addiction. I frequently have dinner out with friends and for work events. I don't drink. You can order any number of beverages, like a soda with Rose's Lime juice that look festive and taste good.
You don't have to drink. But you have to make a commitment to sobriety. Every day.
Much love,
Lenina