Lostmyway, Don't despair - I promise you won't feel like that forever. I drank for over 25 yrs. & those first couple of months were killers. Everything seemed to trigger me. Today I was feeling very nostalgic, since spring was in the air & along with it will came those happy summertime memories - involving bars & drinking, of course. Wait - I tell myself - how happy were they, really? Certainly not in the end, they weren't. It all turned into a living hell for me. One drink led to 20 - then a binge - followed by a desperate attempt to get straight again. I had to jump off the merry-go-round. It wasn't what it seemed - it was a make-pretend life. I didn't grown or change while I was numb. I know there's no going back for me.
There'll come a time when you won't spend your days obsessing over not drinking. It definitely does ease up. You are learning to live again in a new way - sometimes you'll feel like a fish out of water - but it's leading you somewhere. Be patient with yourself. You are healing, mentally and physically - you will step out into the sunshine again one day, with no regrets.
Glad you shared how you were feeling. We're glad to have you here with us.