Hello everyone... it's me, Paulos... former chat host etc... I have 25 days sober... uh... man the past days that I was messed up really made me think about the past 6 years how it has passed so quickly.
I still cannot believe I am 24 years old, almost 24 years old and a half and well... and well... not only has not much really been accomplished for myself, I always feel like I'm regressing in my life skills and so on. This is a melody/song you may have heard from me before, definitely in different lyrical content *ha ha* but in reality I sometimes tend to dwell on it more than others.
I just wish I was 18 or 19 again, it's like I'm talking as if my age was terrible, while in reality I'm still 24 I feel like I'm too dumb for it... or something, it's bad enough being autistic and all I just HATE THAT MY MEMORIES OF THE PAST FEW YEARS HAVE BEEN OF BINGING ON ALCOHOL OR THE OCCASIONAL OPIATES, oh it is very disappointing...
I am just glad to be back here... I don't know what to really say it's just I feel overloaded and I can't get it out, and it's like I look back at something I did in early 2008 and I remember it but I want to remember EXACTLY how I did it, why I did it and ... so on... and since it's been a long time ago I kind of freak to myself that I'm ******** since I cannot remember it.
Well... just thought I should post this. I have so many regrets right now
just about myself, it's like even if I stay sober another year, I'm still useless in society it feels like... wow I'm so ... lost, compared to a year ago or so ... ugh.