Omega10

Thank you for this quote, and for such an insightful, thought provoking post. I completely understand the demon battle going on, I have had it many times myself - either in my head or with my friends. A few of them have tried to tell me exactly what you have said in your post, "It's okay to have one or two to take off the edge". In the past many of my friends have said "We like drunk Omega, drunk Omega is fun!"

I used to cave to their comments, just to be "fun" and fit in. But as each sober day passes, I look at the way I interact with people, and realize that sober me is fun, too. I'm just not over the top crazy when I am sober. The longer I am sober, the more I realize that "over the top crazy" is not a good thing - it is that over the top craziness that puts me in dangerous situations like wandering around downtown by myself at 3:00 AM looking for a taxi. Or worse.

Yes, one or two does take off the edge, but once that edge is gone I also no longer have any boundaries. That's the point where I am in trouble the most. My logical reasoning is gone completely, and it isn't until drink 6 or 7 or more that I realize I am in the exact place that I am fighting so hard to not be in. By then it is too late because the voice in my head then says "Well, you really screwed up. Since you can't change what you have done, you might as well make the most of it and start over tomorrow." I follow up on that voice by consuming another drink. Past attempts at sobriety had me even saying to myself "This is your week off of abstinence, so go ahead and drink until Sunday, then you can begin again."

Lately as I have been examining myself more and more, I realize how scary it is that some liquid can make a normally intelligent person into such a delusional person.