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Old 03-06-2010, 02:51 AM
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NEOMARXIST
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Thanks for posting EllaBella. Nice one on 15 days sober too!

I think total acceptance that I am an alcoholic is crucial to my sobriety. I also think remembering that I will always be an alcoholic is crucial too... And that most other people aren't.

It's surprising how many people were calling me an alcoholic a good few years ago now. Remember I wasn't an all day every day drinker or anything like that... I just was just a wreckhead! Or so i used to say!

I know the awful feeling of anxiety and paranoia that you describe when you black out after 30 minutes at a party or whatever. I used to go to parties and not even remember that i went to a party untill someone told me. Then the flashbacks came haunting me, I reckon I probably weren't that bad in my behaviour other than obviously being totally utterly wasted, but it was the not knowing that used to eat me up inside.

You sound like you used booze as a medicine to help release your 'demons'. In my own experince this is what separates alcoholics from just binge-drinkers. I used to also drink away my demons... But it is only temporary and the demons are still there in the morning and they come back stronger.

It is possible to live each day and not crave or have any desire to drink booze or use drugs. This takes work on your own 'recovery' from alcoholism using a programme. I use AA, SR + much wisom from elsewhere.

Also though it's frightening how quickly you can go from not thinking about drinking for two+ months to, BAM, the old thoughts crop back up... That is because I am an alcoholic. But 'Just for today i will not drink'. The thoughts possess so much less ferocity and I can pinpoint why they are occuring. It is crucial that you are grounded in your acceptance when the old thought 'type' come back with a vengeance. certainly for this alcoholic anyway.

You are doing well and have the ability to express your feelings creatively and have your own slant on alcoholism/addiciton and i think this is really cool. SR is great for enabling your creative writing to be used positively!

Remember that alcoholism is a "thinking" and not a "drinking" problem. So it is your thinking that always takes you back to a drink. So it needs to be changed dramatically by embracing 'recovery'.

Keep The Faith x
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