Tyler the night time was the worst for me, i know exactly what you mean! It was only the last couple of years that i started to drink more during the day. I spent a long time drinking how you have done.
I hated the night with a passion, all the fear came at night. I would find myself pacing up and down driving myself crazy about what i had done over the years and what i had not done, time wasted, what sort of person i was...trying to watch films or listen to music but not being able to concentrate on anything. Blaming everybody in my life where there was no cause for any blame, asking why won't someone help me?
When i was younger, late teens and early twenties, i used to stay up all night a lot...until i was so tired that i had to go to sleep. I went through a stage of panic attacks and going to bed at night praying that i would not wake up. I started to cut myself on my arms for a while, got into a routine of drinking alone watching movies, taking the bottle of wine round the corner of the street, smashing it, coming back with a piece of glass, slicing arms on outside then wiping with toilet tisssue and going to sleep...lovely days for my mother!
I don't know where it comes from, but i never associated it with drinking weirdly enough, i mean yeah i drank but so did everyone else.
So fast forward back to early thirties, and the days i would not drink and went out at night and it was fear everywhere i went...so i would have a night on the booze, then next night off and try and go and meet a friend in town, be too scareed to even meet them, totally uncomfortable etc and it was always at night...never any fear, well less, during the day...i always thought it was maybe because i always got in trouble at night and maybe thats what it was? But i remember, now, that i have always hated the night, as far as i can remember as a kid and this was way before drinking started...
Even now i find it hard to sleep without a background light on of some sort or the laptop screen at least...
The pacing and the remource and the inability to relax have gone and that went when i did the steps, there is a secular way to them too i think...maybe there is another way to do this, but just letting you know that this is when it all got better...
Hope you get some peace:-) And yeah not something i normally post about either...