Thank you for sharing that! Several therapists I've been to also thought there was some history of sexual abuse, but I don't remember any. I blocked a bunch of years of my childhood completely out though so it's possible. I used to obsess about it, but a few years back I decided I wasn't going to let it bother me as much because I may never know what really happened. If I was sexually abused there's nothing I can do about it now. All I can do is move forward with life and make my present a decent place.
I made that sound easy and it wasn't. I had a lot of help from a great therapist.
In any event, the level of anxiety you're dealing with sounds miserable and crippling. Some people have great success with recalling blocked memories with EMDR therapy. If you were abused maybe you can bring it to the surface and deal with/process those emotions. Maybe you'll find out you never were abused!
Good luck to you in any event and keep your head up! I hope that a visit from your son was able to put a smile on your face
