Like Humblebee, I thought you sounded a little hard on yourself. So if I might make a suggestion...when you say you've "made your bed, now you must lie in it", please make sure that bed has the softest, cosiest sheets imaginable, a warm duvet, a remote control for your telly and stereo, plenty of hot tea and chocolates, and some great books. That bed can be the most wonderful place in the world if you want it to be.