Six months for me - but not my boyfriend
I'm having all kinds of feelings - good, bad, and mixed over breaking up with the man I've been dating and living with for a little over a year now. I met him in AA when I had about a month sober and he had about two...he'd been in and out of the program for many years, at one time staying sober for over seven years, and as a relative newcomer (I'd started attending meetings for a few months prior to getting my first 30 days) I found him to be very knowledgeable and comfortable with the program, and I liked the fact that he attended at least one or two meetings a day.
I know the general advice is "don't date for the first year" that you're sober. Well, I did. Even today, I can't say I totally regret the decision...it was in lots of ways a good relationship and it came at a time in my life when (aside from my alcoholism) I was ready to share my life with another person.
We both seemed to be growing in AA, as individuals, and as a couple for the first six months or so, and last November my boyfriend started a four-month technology course at our local community college, preparing him for a very well-paying job. He worked hard, made terrific grades, and really seemed to enjoy what he was doing.
But then Christmas break came, and with nearly four weeks of free time he once again started hanging out with his partying friends...drinking some, but mostly smoking pot (his DOC.) As if this wasn't troubling enough, he decided to drop out of school.
I knew it was time to break off the relationship...it broke my heart to see him fall away from AA and lose the motivation he'd seemed so full of only weeks earlier. I cared alot about him (and still do) but I can't be with him under the circumstances.
After initially being upset with me for kicking him out, he became resigned to the situation and we've been pretty friendly in recent days.
I know I'm doing the right thing to break up with him, but I'm dreading the actual moment when it happens. Prior to this relationship, I was married for 17 years and I just don't have alot of experience with relationships in general. I also don't tend to have the highest self-esteem or confidence in the world, so I'm feeling a little scared.
Any advice, experience, strength or hope would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for letting me share this.
Stephanie