Originally Posted by
Kjell 
Ok, I'm between 60 and 90 days. I use AA (sponsor, steps, HP, service work, other alcoholics), outpatient therapy, and SR for my recovery.
I realized today I don't know how to have a mature disagreement with another human being. I really can't speak on how I used to do it when I used alcohol and drugs to cope with all things life, but... now-a-days, I'll either say something I regret or I'll harbor an intense resentment that I either have to apologize for or I "stew" about it for a LONG time.
Any advice is mucho appreciato.
Thanks!
Kjell
Hi Kjell,
This is very prominent topic in my life at the moment. I am learning but I still have much more to learn.
I am reading the book The New Codependancy by Melodie Beattie. I highly recommend it as it fits in very nicely with all your AA work/addictions/alcoholism
These quotes are from the book
Most recovering addicts and alcoholics have codependency underneath
Are we talking to manipulate, control, or alter someone's elses perception instead of to honestly express ourselves? We can't simultaneously communicate who we are and control or manipulate. When we are manipulating or controlling, we're not speaking the truth.
Do you want them to fix you, validate you, make you feel better?
Do you think that someone else has the power to make you feel whole and complete?
Harmonizing is an alternative to confrontation. It's a powerful way to communicate when people have opposing points of view (POV) or when we want to discuss something delicate............Instead of telling people what's wrong with how they see things or what they do, we acknowledge their POV. And then we gently segue into our POV and explain why it has value, too. Because harmonizing doesn't attack, it eliminates the need to defend.
The New Codependency is the updated sequel to Codependent No More by the same author.
Well worth the money, in my opinion.