Detox...
I'm 21. I became an alcoholic in summer of 2009. Within 3 months I got my 2nd DUI, went though months of counseling and court dates and tens of thousands of dollars in medical bills and fines. Got dumped, was confined to a home breathalyzer for 3 months straight while waiting for my final court date. So I was sober for 3-4 months. After that I slipped every once in a while but it wasn't full blown getting trashed every night like before. Was sober from Jan to mid-Feb this year and have slid since then. The past 10 days it's been binge drinking every night alone. I have even been drinking Listerine at times.
During a mishap at my new job (thankfully no one knew it was because I was drunk), I am so fed up. I've gained weight, my face is swollen from being dehydrated and I'm generally miserable. So, I forced myself not to drink but about 30 hours later I had crazy shakes and muscle spasms and I couldn't go to work that way as a waitress. And when I looked up horror stories on detox I've been trying to only drink a little every 4-5 hours just to get my body being used to less alcohol in my body. Because of my very high tolerance it's not enough to even get me buzzed but it stops the shakes. I've heard this works but the willpower to do it is what I've heard is nearly impossible.
I actually am disgusted by alcohol right now. I just think of it and want to puke but it's the only way not to feel completely sick when I start to detox. I just want to be able to get through the day without my body needing it. A lot of times when my boyfriend is at work I try to sleep through the worst of it and I feel a lot better, but it's difficult because the symptoms of withdrawal seem to come back at random times. More when I am not busy/productive and start to notice how awful I feel.
I'm going to get an assessment tomorrow. It is court ordered, and I'm glad but scared to go. I can't be put into inpatient because I just moved 100 miles away from home and just got a brand new job and started a new relationship when I was sober last fall.
I'm just hoping this works. I don't want my body to be dependent on alcohol.