Wow...I'm mad
You know,
I'm angry!!!!
Why is it that there those of us that are 'given' this path? Why is it that this beast of addiction shows up in our lives and not in those of others????? While others walk in sunshine and know not of our darkness????
I know that in time i will stop wondering about this, but for now I'm P*#sed about it. I hate that i was not given a fair shot at life, with a family littered with alcoholics and those suffering with depression. I hate it that when I was young, young, young remember feeling bad about being alive and have always felt bad about being around. URGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just want to feel joy for the first time in a long time....I want to laugh and mean it, not just 'put it on' for show when I am around people. I just want to walk and feel that I should be here, that I deserve to be here...in 34 years I have yet to find that.
Most of all, i want to find that without the deception of alcohol...