((Teke)) - awww, sweetie, you have been on my mind, so much, the past few days.
Please don't expect yourself to be "over him" just because the funeral is over. It was 6 months after my mom died, when I was talking to someone and said something about "my mom died in June" and it hit me....OMG, my MOM DIED!!!! It's like God had not let the full effect of what that meant sink in to me for 6 months, and even then it took time. God knows we can't deal with all the pain, hon.
My XABF died in Dec. and I have a jacket of his. I'm still having thoughts about writing to him the next time he gets locked up....that's the only time I knew where he was. I didn't have NEAR the history, with him, that you have with R.
Please, please be gentle with yourself. You did the best you could, with what you had. Just because you and I are RA's doesn't mean we deal with the A's in our lives any better. I don't know about you, but I'm just as codie as the next person and trying to work a "codie recovery". We know addiction from the inside out, but it doesn't mean we don't hurt when our loved one suffers from it. It doesn't mean we don't want to try to "fix it".
You and your kids are constantly in my prayers. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
Love, hugs and prayers!
Amy