teke

HEY you guys, just thought i'd check in.

my husband was finally laid to rest on fri. i thought it would be easier for me afterwards but today i still can't imagine what i'm suppose to do now. i feel abondoned.

sorry that im not posting as much, i really do what to be here, but posting is kind of hard, so i just read when i can. sometimes even reading is a bit hard for me. i do want to share but it makes me sad to think of how many of you and your addicts still suffer. i cry because i want so badly to help, to get rid of addiction entirely for everyone. i feel so helpless and i hate this feeling.

i now dream of a world where addiction or any other disease /illness can never rob another person in any way. rght now, i feel codie to the core.

for those of you still struggling with stepping aside to allow your beloved addict to suffer the consequences of their actions or to find their bottom, please consider doing so as soon as you can. i'm not talking about divorce at all, just step aside. for most of you there is always a tomorrow, i think you are the lucky ones.

as hard as it was to let my husband go, 2yrs ago, to find his own bottom, i do regret hanging on for so long. i wish i could have done it long before that. not that i didn't want to stick by him but because i wanted the chance to do so, later, after he found his way. maybe if i could have let go 20yrs ago, by now, he may have sobered up and been more able to pay attention to his own health. i know his addiction wouldn't let him do that.

you would think his passing would be easier for me now, because he'd been gone for the last 2yrs but he was always a phone call away. now that he's gone for good, i miss him more than i could have ever imagined.

please keep me and my kids in your prayers.

i want so much for this to be over. i'm so tired of hurting. thank you all