Hey BlueBlaze,
Welcome to SR! You'll find an incredible amount of insight, support and kind folks here. I am glad you posted.
I wanted to add my 2 cents here as some of the things you said are absolutely SPOT ON when thinking about myself. First, I am new to recovery. I've just hit 63 days today. I was throwing back at least a pint of whisky every night, and often even more than that. And always with the usual suspects of beer to go along with it. What can I say, I liked to mix 'n' match. My friends and I had a really funny way of beginning our phone conversations when we were ready to commence the drinking and blab about our life's problems on the telephone: "I'm sitting here with my buddy Jack and six of our best friends, trying to figure out how to turn this damn thing around... ". That little riff is the only part of my drinking past that I consider to be funny, and I have to look at it in an ironic way for it to be so.
I've also struggled with my thoughts on society, and how just entirely ridiculous things can be. I've spent time with people who take living an alternative, no-capitalism lifestyle very seriously and I find more often than not there's no alcohol whatsoever in those scenes. Your mileage may vary, of course. All I know is that my mass consumption of alcohol wasn't helping me further my political science study, or getting me any closer to being able to take any kind of an informed and empowered stance against anyone.
My drinking was no secret from anybody, as it turns out (could've fooled me). People I interact with daily see me walking into my living space every day with that little black bag that goes clink-clink when the glass bottle rattles. I disappear into my room and blast the Velvet Underground at top volume and write really mortifying poetry (my strength!). It was fun for a while.
I am not religious, as it happens. I have absolutely nothing against any religion; I am not against anything like that in any way. I'm just more of the Carl Sagan school of thought, that we live on this little pale blue dot in the immense and seemingly unending universe. Having a non-religious mindset didn't prevent me from developing a serious problem that was only going to get much worse if I didn't do something about it, pronto. You can find many paths that touch on the topic of God from every end of the spectrum. Don't let the word God fake you out and take away the opportunity to see and do something truly incredible and empowering.
Whatever path you choose, whichever way you go, I wish you nothing but happiness in your journey. Consider really giving up the drink. I can't even imagine maintaining my life now if alcohol were still involved. I've gone from rolling around in the trunk like luggage into the driver's seat. That is one empowering feeling. I was sick of those golf clubs.
All the best to you.