Oh boy.
I'm sorry about where you are. I can identify. Gotta stop drinking first. The meds are useless with alcochol. Being honest with your doctor is vital on so many levels. Do you want to get well? Of course you do. Your doctors one of your best buddies to help you do this. I'm on Zoloft also. Had to come clean to the first doctor, who then sent me to a doctor who dealt with depression and substance/alcohol abuse. I wasn't prescribed the medication until I was sober. The point is, I had doctors on my team who knew my sh*t so-to-speak
Consider getting honest with your doctors a step in owning your recovery.